Bereavement Care

When Hello becomes Goodbye

As a bereavement doula…

I serve families through losses during every gestation, as well as through perinatal hospice, when a prenatal diagnosis for a fatal condition is shared with a family reeling in shock and pain. Sometimes, I meet a family for the first time in the hospital, where they did not expect to be, not under the circumstances in which they find themselves. Sometimes, a call comes in the middle of the night, a whispered apology followed by questions about what to expect, and how to endure the anguish of loss. And still other times, I develop a relationship with a family as they plan for a birth that will not result in bringing their baby home.

This ministry began even before my birth doula services, and has always held a special focus in my work, where joy and sorrow, hope and despair, courage and fear come together in an especially sacred version of motherhood.

Then, one sunny summer afternoon in 2015, my 19 month old son, Sebastian, went into sudden cardiac arrest at home. We had to wait for months after his burial before his autopsy offered a reason for his sudden death: an undiagnosed infection had stopped his heart. His traumatic loss shattered our family.

In the aftermath, through the hard work of my own grief, I have fostered a special devotion to fellow bereaved mothers. In cooperation with Divine Mercy Care, I helped create a resource list for families facing the loss of a child. As a participant in Embracing Grace, I support families undergoing perinatal hospice. And as an admirer of the work of A Mom’s Peace, I offer to listen to mothers who are trying to navigate the overwhelming physiological, emotional, psychological, and spiritual process of losing a child. I am honored to serve in any way, from listening and holding space to serving as a doula in a birth room that is also a place to say farewell.

While I have undergone training for bereavement work, much of what I share has come through my own experiences, my own pain. The unfortunate sisterhood of mothers who have lost a child has existed since there were mothers and children, and provides a most powerful bond and support, unlike any other care, no matter how valuable.

Do not hesitate to reach out to me, if I may walk with you, in silent solidarity, or in some more practical fashion. I am so sorry I cannot offer what you actually need, which is for this not to be happening. But I can promise you that you will not carry this burden alone.